Dear Rap Music,
I’ve been known to throw my hands in the air and wave em like I just don’t care. I used to hit up your shows and you could often find me in the club, bottle full of bub, where, if your beat thumped enough and your hook looped just right I could be enticed to jump m’er f’er, jump m’er f’er jump… (and while I’ve never really been down with O.P.P., I do like big butts and I cannot lie)…. and man those days were the days.
But now that I have two daughters, two centers of the Universe, these are not those days.
I am breaking up with you, Rap Music, and it’s not you, it’s me. And it’s also, kind of, you.
It’s your rampant misogyny, homie. It is an epidemic. Your unapologetic sexism is a scourge on an otherwise exceptional cultural phenomenon. A movement I used to wear proudly on the sleeve of my Turbo/Ozone parachute suit while spinning on my back on the cardboard refrigerator boxes my mom brought home for the neighborhood kids to krush grooves and bust a move on. But the game has changed. Since falling headspins-over-heelkicks for the love of my life, that life is no longer about getting my freak on. And since becoming a SAHD of daughters, cash no longer rules everything around me. Frozen does. Dora does.
My oldest daughter is only three, but she is a rosebud. Every day she grows closer to womanhood and every day I am made aware of another biological anomaly or aspect of gender-nature. Just last month, at the playground by our house, a little boy approached and in some brief but instantaneous fit of glee my daughter turned to me, face a-bloom, and said,
“Dada he’s noiiiiiiice!”
Probably a benign assertion but thought-provoking none the less. And I’ve gotta worry about this little boy in his Dada’s car, radio cranked up to the tune of {{ I I I I could BEEP you all the tiiii i i iime }}? Sure, it all comes down to individual parental responsibility but that’s what I’m doing here, taking responsibility over my music choices. I will NOT have my daughters subconsciously, or euphoniously, convinced that b@!ches ain’t sh!t but hoes and tricks.
And to all the young suitors who will undoubtedly cross my daughters’ paths, I will have you know a few things:
- I don’t care if it’s her birthday or yo birfday, shawty will not be go go going anywhere but the jumpy house in our own backyard, for now, and if you choose to forgo Happy Birthday for crooning about your Magic Stick you’d better be the guy in the Gandalf getup passing goodies out to the party-goers. My girls are golden, and must be cherished accordingly.
- You will NOT be making it rain around my girls unless you are a sprinkler technician or a dancing Mohican at a cultural event. No offense to the woman that do it for art or necessity, but there will be no pole dancing in this family unless it is this kind. My girls are pillars of spirit and character and must be endeared accordingly.
- And when my girls grow into those bright beacons of kindness and compassion that I know they will be, and the suitors undoubtedly come a-knockin, just know that my daughters will NOT be riding dirty with you. Especially if you are on that good kush and ackahall, in which case they will NOT be one of your down b@!ches [you] can call. My girls shine and must be appreciated accordingly.
You feel me, rap music? Believe me, I appreciatecha as an art form, but how about showing a little respect for the majesty and wonder of the opposite sex? Sure, you ball so hard, I get it. But, you need to crawl ‘fore you ball/come and meet me in the bathroom stall? You said it yourself, that sh!t cray! (and don’t get me started on that rape-baiting, woman-basher, Rick Ross, who is, truly, insane in the membrane and a prime, figurative, example of how I could just kill a mannn)
To be clear, there are several distinctions to be made between Rap Music with its ignorant, lazy and egregious use of the B word (and other disparaging, anti-female language) to color titles and lyrics (rappers using their mama-given talents to degrade and endanger those very same mamas); and the highly creative, often educational, occasionally brilliant and sometimes soul-moving storytelling that is true Hip Hop Music. A genre that I have championed. A culture that I’ve heald close to my heart for decades.
So, as for the former, as a new dad of daughters, Rap Music, I just can’t do you no more.
Ciao for now,
Dada Mike
P.s. This may not be forever. Hopefully, someday, you will realize the error of your ways, or the pop culture scales will tip and start to favor a more enlightened approach to hit making. I will still check in on you from time to time. I’ll be forever curious to see how you are doing. Might even meet you in the car some late night to rehash old memories and get our head-knock on together. But till then, adieu old friend. For the sake of my daughters, I’ve got to kick you to the curb.
Dada Mike, you Rock! This is the best post of yours I have had the privilege to read. Rap music has a great beat, the crass lyrics are totally unnecessary. Which reminds me of something else that has bothered me. I read many bloggers who use the word f*ck over and over in their blogs and on Facebook. I don’t get it. Is this a way to be hip and cool?
Thanks, Mike. Perhaps a way to be hip and cool, perhaps just being true to their voice? I’m still trying to find mine. It doesn’t bother me in blog posts as they are voluntary. But as a culture we are inundated with sexist references and it’s a shame, if you ask me. And reading my post is kinda like asking me. 🙂
“True to their voice”. I’ll have to ponder that one. Nevertheless, loved the post!
I get frustrated with ALL music. I have a hard time finding things to listen to with my three year old that I don’t mind if he repeats the lyrics to.
Laurie Berkner is a hit with our kids.
This has awesome written all over it. Well done.
Thanks for reading, Creed. And thanks for the kind words.
As someone with their feet firmly in the rock music camp, I have had my tussles with hip hop, RnB and rap music and have noticed that it is very sexist, especially the film clips. Look, rock music wasn’t an angel. In the 80s and early 90s we had those glam rock, cock rock and hair bands singing about bedding 17 years olds, having girls in tight leather and/or bikinis, and doing things like the Unskinny Bop with them. But I think for the most part, rock has grown up and now it isn’t so misogynistic. Maybe it still is. The bands I listen to these days don’t talk about love unless it is cryptic, and they don’t have scantly clad women in their film clips, if they have film clips at all. It’s not about the look any more, it is just about the music.
Still their is plenty of good rap, RnB and hip hop that isn’t all about the girls shaking their booties. Well at least there was back when I listened to the 80s and early 90s stuff (Public Enemy, NWA, Cyprus Hill).
Great letter Mike. I hope they respond in kind…
I’d need to be a millipede to plant feet in the camps of all of my musical interests. I completely agree that misogyny in music is a timeless attribute and far exceeds the realm of just rap. But just rap is just what just got to me just recently. My post was a boiling point, of sorts. I am still an avid hip hop fan and tried to make a distinction between the two sub-genres. I know that the jury is still out on what, exactly, constitutes one or the other but when it comes to trying to cut the rotted spot from the hip hop fruit, i’m sticking to my guns. My uzi weighs a ton.
As someone whose fatherhood blog is named after a hip hop song, and some posts reference such, I can relate. I can’t let my son hear much of what I listen to, even the “hip-hop” music you make a point to distinguish from “rap”.
The industry these days is different than when you and I were growing up and there’s a barrier to anything of redeeming value. But I’ll say that rather than giving up completely, spots just need to be picked. Check out The Dino Five, a hip hop album on par with Laurie Berkner which includes a female artist in the group, and when they’re a little older play them UNITY by Queen Latifah.
Oh, I haven’t given up completely. Kids gotta sleep sometime. I’ve just had it with the gratuitous raunch and overt sexism. I could write a book validating the better side of the genre. Hmmm.
Bravo Mike!! Well written and well said! By far your best post yet in my opinion.
“My girls shine and must be appreciated accordingly.” “My girls are pillars of spirit and character and must be endeared accordingly.” “My girls are golden, and must be cherished accordingly.” …. I damn near cried reading those three lines.
Thanks, dude! I look forward to working with you on Android 101
I realized that I need to be careful to what is playing on the radio with my kids in the car, and I don’t listen to rap or hip music. Because I may not my son to be a “Backdoor Man,” dating some “Crazy B!tch,” or having the other kids, “Run from my Gun.” I have found that a lot of songs with lyrics that are just a bit too much for my 7 year old’s ears. So now I am stuck listening to Disney.
Pretty spot on. I’m equally impressed with the flow (get it?) of the quotes you used.
Got it. Thanks Seth. Glad you got it.
YES I agree and it has been a tough battle but good news FOR ALL OF you that enjoy the Hip Hop experience with lyrics that you can actually tolerate having your children listen too and sing!! I give to you Ms. Miranda Writes…she is on a mission to change what the youth is hearing…see so here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPqSZiWya0k
Thanks for sharing. Positive stuff, there.
Mike,
This should be turned into a Rap song!! 🙂 This was such a great read along with a great message! Your daughters are so lucky to have such an awesome Dada!!! Keep writing!!
Thanks, brother. That’s the plan!
Rap is only one element and hip hop culture used to be about more than just rappin. Hip hop used to teach kids positive means of expression to spread peace in negative environments through the 4 elements; MCs, DJs, B-boys/girls, and Graffiti Art. I think most importantly we have lost sight of the music that hip hop is rooted in. A century of jazz, funk, soul and blues that was re-created through hip hop is being forgotten by the next generation. I still believe Fela Kuti’s famous line, “music is the weapon of the future,” and I will be teaching my children this. In regards to hip hop, I will teach my kids the values that original hip hop culture stood for… peace, positivity, unity and music.
Amen brother, you are preaching to the choir! Thank you for the educated insight. Thanks for taking time out to read me.
I hope you do realize that there are many rap artists that are not misogynistic. People like Common, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, and many more speak about very relevant social issues, particularly racial relations. Also isn’t it time that we realize some rap artists, just like pop artists, rock artists and whoever else don’t create their music in a vacuum. They are part of an entire society that is sexist and this doesn’t mean we should not criticize it, but it does point to the complete oversimplification of this whole notion that rap music is inherently bad. I mean 50 cent and Sir-Mix a lot seem to demonstrate a very shallow understanding of rap, and to completely group an entire genre of music together by broad generalizations often has a very negative impact. Such as, the demonization of rap music without the realization that there are many people within this area trying to do positive things, and neglecting to acknowledge that this is one of the few areas where people of color have been able to talk about the plights of their communities.
Hope granted. My personal designation of rap as a sub-genre was by no means scientific analysis. In essence you are making the very same, and very well articulated, distinction. I would read your post, too, if you wrote the above in one. However, in my post, I would have written it: “there are many [Hip Hop] artists that are not misogynistic. People like Common, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, and many more speak about very relevant social issues…” In fact I did write about that, sans naming names. (You did read the post, right?) The practice of, and the debate about, deliniating a secondary, and IMHO lesser, category of Hip Hop music (ie: Rap) did not start and will not end with you and I, my friend, but potayto potahto. Open letters are inherently oversimplified and generally meant to stimulate discussion so I am extremely grateful that you took the time to participate. In that respect, it worked. As far as your assessment of the depth of my understanding based on my employment of strategically placed, recognizable lyrics to make a point about a personal preference, “you’re dead wrong.” <
Funny stuff, Mike. I’ve had the same struggle. In fact, I wrote a whole post about how I had to give props to Yeezus; tore myself in half.
There. Is. No. Way. I’ve. Missed. One. Of. Your. Posts.
*pulls up Google Tab*
(also, you’re in the know…is it still cool to do that period redundancy for emphasis, thing, or no?)
Love that you took on rap for the right reasons. I hear a lot parents rail against rap, hip hop and even my preferred punk rock because of the language used. Drives me nuts. I worked one part time job (a decade before I had kids) where my boss told me to stop playing Anti-Flag songs because they say “fuck” and to put on something more appropriate. Which meant Top 40 radio. Which meant, back then, the Thong Song.
Don’t focus on the words, focus on what they’re saying. And when they’re saying misogynistic shit, kick it to the curb. Great post, man.
Great comment. Thank you, sir.
As a mom of 3 sons and a daughter, I’ve had to take a stance, too. My teenage sons just want to listen to the “cool” music; I just want them to respect themselves, women, and sex.
We recently found an interesting alternative. The start was with a rapper named kb. Go check out his stuff, maybe even starting with his song “Undefeated.” My boys and I are impressed with his talent. Ok, I am; they just think he’s cool.
Give some Tedashi, TobyMac and LeCrae. Good rap, excellent lyrics.
Thank you for sharing!
Loved this. Although I’m deaf, I do enjoy songs for their lyrics and can imagine the music. The other day, my kids asked me to look up a different Pharrell song than Happy, because they enjoyed it so much. (Yeah, I know he’s not a rapper, but you’ll see my point.)
I started clicking on lyrics to his other songs and it was an internal “nope. Nope. No way. Not this one!” until I found “Despicable Me.”
As a deaf dad, I’m at a disadvantage with the radio in the car. I can’t screen it. So as a result, even though we are not Christian, the channel is usually on the Christian music channel, since that’s not going to have bad language and inappropriate stuff. 🙂
Love this article. Glad to see someone say it. Darn bein a dad and having to learn responsibility. Rap sure was fun when we didn’t have to care. You should hear some of the lyrics I hear my daughters quote, Makes me cringe. Reminds me of lookin for cypress hill tickets in D.C. W/ you. Love Stan your biggest fan! Lmfao
You’ve got a great memory, Stan.
Mr. Heenan, I agree with you 100%. Rap music, I do believe is the worst thing that has happened to the black community since Slavery!!!!! There is absolutely nothing redeeming about it at all. It also should not be called music, because this CRAP is in no way music. I so wish we could ban this form of ignorant expression. It’s so SAD to me that a large majority of people are so mislead by this Horrible genre!!!!!!
I wish there were a bigger period after your “100%”, just to clarify what we are in agreement about. I certainly don’t think rap music is the worst thing that has happened to the black community since slavery. With socioeconomic maladies like gerrymandering, gentrification, failing public education systems, violence and lack of proximal, quality, nutritional resources, I’m sure there are plenty of African American communities that would beg to differ with your designation of music as the culprit. It does beg a healthy discussion of life imitating art… I appreciate you taking the time to contribute here.
Very nicely done my friend. I really enjoyed this.
Thank you for reading. Kind of you to say, Jack.
Mike,
Well done, indeed. From one Dad to another, keep it up. My wife tells me that I’m setting the bar high for our daughter’s future suitors (I hope that turns out true in the end). You are the first man your girls will be in love with. It’s fantastic that you’re living a good example for what they should be looking for in their next love, down the road.
Kids notice stuff like this, even when we don’t think they do.
Thank you for taking the time to read and contribute, Jason. We can only strive to be our own best, right.
Lots of great responses here but let me just throw in a general response to several of them. In corresponding with Mike a little I know he knows about the variety in the music and thusly explained it in his way, by making a distinction between rap and hip hop. Anyone who is over the age of maybe 30 or so, and/or younger folks who had the benefit of a wider exposure than what’s currently dominated the mainstream more recently knows that hip hop has lots of value to offer. In my first comment I cited UNITY by Queen Latifah, which is sort of a double edged sword of an example because on the one hand it’s a demonstration that a song like that was able to chart back in the day, but on the other, it needed to be made for a reason. There’s plenty of examples of positive and uplifting songs that have a good message, that used to chart back when I was in high school but now are not being pushed. The art reflects life so it will never be all positive, but the decision to put money behind some things and leave others out is one that’s been made in the corporate boardroom, not in the communities. Yes there’s the assumption that it sells better, but we know from history that the positive songs can and did chart and sell well too. As for why the positive is being left out, like KRS said, “ask yourself, homeboy, why is that?”
Great post man and congrats on the success!
I think most popular music I hear on the radio is unfit for little ones. I didn’t really notice until my 3-year-old daughter started signing reciting Blurred Lines, “I know you want it …” around the house this summer. At first I considered jumping off the roof, but ultimately decided to look for more kid-friendly options.
Good job!
I, for one, I’m happy with your choice.
It took me a while to get to it, but I did. Besides having to look up a word or two (shameless burn on myself), I thought this post was everything that it’s been hyped up to be. I said it in the group, but I’ll say it again. Congrats, and this got all the publicity it deserved… and I hope it gets tons more.
Robert
http://www.thescareddad.com
Thank you. Both for the beautifully written piece, and for the fun I’ve had watching it be picked up and spread by other folks going “yes, exactly, thank you”.
Much obliged. If only that were the sole response. The internet, who knew?
You know, it really made me notice that I almost never think to actually thank the author of a particularly nice piece like that, I tend to just smile and pass it on and not even look at the comments, let alone participate. It made me notice a blind spot I bet a lot of folks share, the unconscious (and completely irrational once noticed) idea that somehow you will see the nice comments we make when passing it along on our facebook pages. Sigh, and I even try to not be an idiot, really I do. 😉
Thank you for your comments, anywhere they may land.
A whole lot different now that we have daughters. I often catch my myself actually listening to the lyrics and saying “WHOA WHOA WHOA”. TRULY ENJOYED IT MY FRIEND
Yep. Thanks for reading. Subscribe if you’d like to bat around some future revelations with me. We are just getting started. I’ve got a lot to learn from these girls!
Hip Hop is the worst thing that’s ever happened to black music. IMO.
I am so not black and really not hip-hop (like a few things but outside that have no clue), I have no right or pretense to an opinion on that, so if this is outside your interest, just ignore it, no offense.
(Outside yeah, it sure did wander really far away from being just a black thing, I’m over here watching it teach Afrikaans to Portland Oregon, I would have bet good money that would never happen.)
That’s the basis of my interest in it, as a subcultural thing. It seems to have spread into everywhere people have more talent than money, internationally. That makes it a perfect breeding ground for international creole, I’m watching it happen. And we need one, so those folks can talk under the corporate radar. Because once it finds something, it ruins it. Right?
I see what hip-hop mutated into among the broke folks of the world as the most likely source of international creole in the digital age. And we need one, to talk under the radar. Just fishing for feedback from folks at the end of the gene pool it came from, about what they think of that. Not my right to have an opinion, curious what the folks who do have a right think.
This is a great post. Thanks for share. I too have young kids and recently I’ve become painfully aware that they are aware of the music that I’m listening to. We’ve got to take their best interests to heart.
As a hip hop artist who is now a father of three daughters this is what hip hop evolved in to for me… http://youtu.be/IBYaEpOOk1U
I can dig it! Thanks for sharing and best of luck.
That’s a nice track! Kev Brown is a beast and you guys did his best justice for sure.
I could not possibly relate to this post more. Well said. I look forward to reading your other stuff.